‘Twas the night before Christmas, and Mitchell McNess
Was composing a poem, he knew would impress;
His staff had all gone to the end-of-year do,
And pretty soon Mitch would be joining them too.
A speech he would give (‘twas an office tradition),
But Mitchell was planning a grand exhibition;
He knew of a poem by Clement Clarke Moore,
And thought he could craft something not heard before.
Imagine if he could replace every word,
With new ones that fitted and weren’t too absurd;
But recapped the year, through Qs 1, 2 and 3,
A difficult task – but how great it would be!
Each line had to rhyme, which was terribly simple,
As no one would mind if he fudged it a little;
And others might struggle to stick to the meter,
But Mitch was good at English so that didn’t worry him.
How clever he’d seem when he read it aloud,
While basking in praise from the rapturous crowd;
“Not once have I seen this, it’s totally new”;
Those words would be spoken by more than a few!
With poem completed (and oh, it was deft)
He straightened his tie, mopped his forehead, and left;
The party was heaving, with festive good cheer,
But all that could wait - there were speeches to hear.
The music was cut (to a few stifled groans)
And in its place Mitchell’s reverberant tones;
“I have something special,” he said with a grin,
“But first let us hear from my CFO, Lynne.”
He knew she’d be boring, her voice was like tar,
By following her, he would look like a star;
So Lynne took the mic, took a deep breath, and said:
“‘Twas the night before Christmas”—and Mitchell went red.
Her version was so-so, except in one spot,
She referenced sugar-plums (Mitchell had not);
But just when she’d finished her dull monotone,
Pierre took the stage, with new words of his own!
Then Roger, then Susan, then Katie and Noam,
They all had new words for the Nicholas poem;
Then Rachel, then Boris, then Ahmed and Leah
But wasn’t this Mitchell’s fantastic idea?
It dawned on him then that perhaps he was wrong,
A speech is a speech, not a poem or song;
The purpose is not demonstrating your brains,
But thanking your staff for their efforts and pains;
He tore up his notes, and he spoke from the heart,
He didn’t rely on a slide show or chart;
He kept it succinct, and he finished it right:
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”