Folding a fitted sheet neatly is perhaps the easiest step in doing the laundry. But for a small minority, this simple task can be quite the challenge. Are you one of these pathetic few? If so, you’ve come to the right place. (Note: This guide has been specially designed for human train wrecks, but even so, you may wish to start with How To Read A How To Guide.)
Step 1: With the sheet inside out, place one hand into each corner of one of the shorter edges. Completing this step successfully will be a personal achievement for you, but you should keep your celebrations to a minimum as you will find a way to stuff it up later.
Step 2: Bring your right hand to your left, and fold the corner in your right hand over the corner in your left hand, enveloping it. Next, reach down and pick up the corner that is hanging in front; bring it up, and fold it over the two corners in your left hand; the corner that’s showing will be inside out. Bring the last corner up, and fold it over the others; with its right side showing, it should envelop the other three corners. Handy hint: If you find this step confusing, find something shiny and clap your hands until you’re ready to concentrate again.
Step 3: Lay the folded sheet on a flat surface. The floor of a stupid failure’s bedroom will do, which should be readily available.
Step 4: Fold the two edges in so that all the elastic is hidden. You’ll recognise elastic – it’s the stuff that’s held your pants up ever since your mum realised you were too dumb for belts.
Step 5: Oh, no. Step ‘5’. These numbers are probably getting big and scary, so let me explain what ‘5’ is. ‘5’ is a number that is one bigger than 4. So if a snail has an IQ of 4 and you’re a tiny bit smarter than a snail, you have an IQ of 5. Now, fold the sheet into a “rectangle”, or “toast shape”.
Step 6: Keep folding the rectangle until it is the desired size. Don’t worry: the sheet is still all there: when you unfold it, it will be as big as the bed again.
Things you’ll need: A safe, supervised folding area with no sharp edges.