Seven Jokes About Straight White Males

How many straight white males does it take to change a light bulb? Zero - a woman will change the light bulb and the straight white males will take credit for it later.

Two straight white males walk into a bar. They aren’t harassed by the bouncer.

A white woman, a black man, and a Polynesian lesbian all apply for the same job. Who gets it? The straight white male.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
A straight white male
A straight white male who?
This is our property now. You have to leave.

You have two cows. Straight white males appropriate the concept of domestic cattle and become hideously wealthy. You get nothing.

Why did the straight white male cross the road? Because he had no reason not to, since he’d never experienced the vulnerability that comes with being an oppressed minority, and the consequent danger that attaches to simple acts such as walking on a footpath.

A straight white male goes to a fortune teller, and asks what his future holds. “You will purchase a house in a disadvantaged part of town, driving up prices and displacing the original inhabitants. Your lifestyle will be a major contributing factor in global warming. And you will achieve career success beyond all reasonable expectations, due to being promoted ahead of more qualified colleagues.” Ten years pass, and everything the fortune teller said comes true. The man is amazed, and returns to the fortune teller. “I want to place a bet on the football this weekend,” he says. “Which team is going to win?” “I can’t say,” says the fortune teller. “But you predicted my future - my lifestyle, my property acquisition, and my career trajectory!” “Sure,” says the fortune teller, “but you are a straight white male. In a football match, there are multiple possible outcomes.”