How to Google effectively

There’s a reason that everyone loves Google: it makes it easy to search for search terms using the internet. People are a kind of search term, and you are a kind of person, so you can even use Google to search for yourself or even anything else!

Step 1: To recall the URL for Google, recite this poem and type the first letter from each word: “When Walter went dot Googling only one Google liked eggs dot chocolate or meat”. Send a browser window to this address.

Step 2: Think about what you are Googling and request the words of that thing into the rectangle. For example, if you are trying to Google Justin Bieber, type “Great Google: please show me the internet pages of Justin Bieber”.

Step 3: If you want Google to prioritise your request, tell Google what you will offer it in return. Due to privacy laws, it is safe to include your credit card number.

Step 4: Cross your fingers as tight as you can. If you have a friend nearby, say, “Here goes nothing!”

Step 5: Press ‘return’ on your computer keyboard. A typical search can reveal millions of results, so expect to spend some months sorting through each relevant hit.

Tips: If Google returns no hits for your search, try prefacing your search terms with “Mighty Google, I, who am but a small and fleeting mound of flesh, beg this of you:”.

Things You’ll Need: Google, the Internet, a computer, typing secretary