How to Tell If Your Date is a Loser

Getting a date is easy: you can try Tinder, EquestrianCupid, supermarkets, or even online supermarkets.

But don’t you hate it when you waste months - or even years - dating somebody, only to discover that they’re a disgusting loser? Wouldn’t it be great if there was a simple way to work out whether your date was a loser without having to spend time getting to know them? Well, now there is!

Step One: How tall is your date? Taylor Swift is 5’ 11” (180cm). If your date is any taller or shorter than that, have them stamp your passport for Loserville and split!

Step Two: Examine your date’s hair and smile. Taylor Swift has hair like spun gold and a smile that outshines the stars. Does your date? Or are they a loser?

Step Three: Ask your date to list the awards they have won. If you’re looking for a benchmark, Taylor Swift has won 7 Grammys, 22 Billboard Music Awards and 25 Teen Choice Awards. You may need to convert between Grammys and Oscars (4 Grammys = 1 Oscar) to see how your date measures up.

Step Four: Is your date generous? Taylor Swift donates hundreds of thousands of dollars and enormous amounts of time to charitable causes, and is renowned for the gratitude she shows her fans. You may have to adjust your date’s charitable contributions in proportion to their income (but note that if they earn less than Taylor Swift, they are a loser).

Step Five: Does your date know the lyrics to every Taylor Swift song? Taylor Swift does. Losers don’t.

Happy dating! And remember: you may have to kiss a frog or two before you find Taylor Swift!