R.AW: A conference to raise awareness about raising awareness

Location: Maldives Taj Exotica
Date: July 11 - July 15

Ever felt there should be more to completing a triathlon than just completing a triathlon?

Doing things can be personally enjoyable, but often publicly unrewarding. Want to ride a bike a long distance? Anyone can. Want to eat less and lose weight? Please, everyone is on that train. Want to have a week-long holiday at a five star resort in the Maldives without feeling self-indulgent? Don’t we all.

Enter “awareness”.

Doing things to raise “awareness” will earn you encouragement and support from indifferent acquaintances, as well as “likes” and “favourites” on social media. Best of all, your actions and motivations will be beyond reproach: your everyday recreation is now a self-serving crusade for justice!

For this reason, ThermoCow will be running a week-long raising awareness conference at a five star resort in the Maldives, with the express aim of raising awareness of raising awareness. Over a succession of meals, drinks, sunset cruises, and other entertainment sessions, we will share the secrets of how we raised awareness of our conference to raise awareness of raising awareness - and how you can too!

At the end of the conference, not only will you have a killer tan and a swag of enviable Instagram photos, but you’ll have learned how to transform your simple bike-riding hobby into a fully-funded expedition in the Swiss Alps to raise awareness of Oriental Turtle Doves. Your plans to get in shape for summer? They’re now an important tool for raising awareness of poor people (simultaneously freeing you from the negative stigma usually associated with extreme dieting). And that week in the Maldives? Tick it off your bucket list, my friend! (Also, maybe something about rising sea levels.)

Raising awareness may just be the single most important tool in your social profile.

Keynote sessions will include:

  • How to select an activity that is personally enjoyable while also being tangentially related to a charitable cause
  • The seven best trigger-causes to maximise Facebook and Instagram likes
  • How to solicit donations from third parties to ensure you’re not out of pocket
  • The art of acting horrified when someone suggests you are doing what you would have done anyway and dressing it up as a charitable endeavour
  • Mindfulness strategies to distinguish between widespread understanding of certain concepts (such as cancer, climate change or homelessness) and Awareness, which is a positive force that you alone have the power to bestow
  • Most importantly, how to ensure YOU receive credit for all the awareness raised, and not the hard working people who paid to support you

Attendees will also get to hear from real-life awareness-raising heroes, who also happen to be our friends that we’d like to catch up with for a week at a five star resort in the Maldives. These include:

  • Liberty Cassidy, who famously forced herself to eat at each of the world’s Michelin-starred restaurants to raise awareness of growing economic inequality
  • Shanthi Juniper, the dare-devil who raised funds to walk the Inca Trail as part of a global struggle to raise awareness of the impact that people walking the Inca Trail are having on the Inca Trail
  • Dave McWackley, who overcame widespread criticism for masturbating in a cemetery by explaining that he was raising awareness of penile cancer

We look forward to seeing you there. After all, someone needs to start the conversation about starting the conversation. It might as well be us (at a five star resort in the Maldives).

Tickets: $4350 + GST + booking fee + GST on booking fee
(ThermoCow recommends crowdfunding as a means of covering your transportation and accommodation expenses)

To register your dietary requirements or your preference for Krug or Dom Perignon champagne, contact M de Zappo.